The Swindler and I

And it all started with this DM I received in my IG...

Come on lah... this trick is too old lah. A handsome, young guy just randomly sends me a DM to compliment me together with a super cheesy and cringey sentence? The moon is drunk and I am drunk?? Really??

I wanted to just ignore, block and delete. But then my sister suggested that I send a sarcastic reply and that gave me the idea to initiate a short play... so I typed the following and the rest of the story followed....

And then he went offline 🤣🤣🤣

The Prank Queen Strikes Again!

9 January 2020 was Aless's last working day in Kotra. In the past, I've done quite a number farewell pranks to some colleagues who were leaving Kotra... and that was during my days when I was still there. Most of them thought that these pranks would end when I leave and cockroach letter prank was my farewell prank to them. So now that Aless was leaving, though we were still frequently in touch, she never guessed that I would come back to deliver the prank.

So lo and behold.... my MASTERPIECE...

Her ride was all chained up and locked with 2 combination padlocks and 2 key padlocks. In order for her ride to be set free, she had to clear 3 stages....

First stage : Complete the Black Bag Dance.

Second Stage : Every Time Rich = Number for the combination padlocks. 

Third Stage : The key is at Apple's White Horse's Leg.

Now... her reaction was suppose to be videoed by Sharon and Apple but unfortunately, she discovered this on her own without their knowledge. So, no video footage. But the funny thing was when she saw her car, she didn't realize that it was her car and thought what happened to this person's car... so unfortunate. Only when she looked at the number plate, she realized that it was her car.

So next I will only share the Black Bag Dance video and not the other details on how she finally unlocked her car.

With this, we will now considered her blessed and her future undertakings will be great.

So Aless... if you're reading this, please know that I love you and wish you all the best in your future undertakings. May you be stronger and always happy. I believe that you will do great in your new career path and you will excel to greater heights. Remember that we are always here for you no matter what the weather is.

The As

Office Prank War

It all started with an innocent Facebook photo tag to my fellow colleagues 😇 and this is the infamous photo...

I tagged 8 people (MX, HT, SA, EL, EM, MJ, JK and PT) and posted this photo just before going to sleep a little past midnight and all of them responded to it... two of them actually reacted to it in the middle of the night while I was already in La La Land. Instead of giving Likes 👍 and Hearts ❤ for it, they all united and vowed to get back at me for this Cheese On A Cracker post.

A week after that in December last year, I had to go outstation for work which coincided with the office Christmas party. And while I was slaving myself away in Ipoh, these adorable colleagues of mine (HT, EM, EL, SA and they also recruited SM) came up with a revenge plan during the party.

They had gift exchange during the party and had a lot of leftover gift wrapping papers which they decided to put into creative use. When I came back on the following Monday, they surprised me with a BIG Christmas present...

They gift wrapped my workstation using all the leftover gift wrapping paper!!😱

They even wrapped my chair and my calculator! And the pillow box you see in the photo, it's to make their masterpiece less visible to others. Here's the behind the scene footage...

Then my pay back chance came when HT went to Australia for her week long holiday. EM decided to team up with me to start Project Snow. While most of them were away for the long Christmas and New Year holiday, we brought snow to Bangsar South. However, snow fell only on HT's workstation...

There was even an appearance of Frosty, the snowman! Since there were only two of us, me and EM, we had no manpower for the behind the scene footage. But there was a reaction video...

A post shared by Lim Hoey Teing (@hoey1682) on Jan 3, 2017 at 2:21am PST

After all the giggles, laughter and snow shoveling, we went back to work. Then came lunchtime and we all went out lunch together in my car. I had an appointment to go out to at 4pm, so I packed my stuff and went down to the carpark. And as I was walking towards my car, I was greeted with the sight of this...

At that moment did I realize why they insisted that I drive my car out for lunch... so that they know where I parked my car. And I thought that they were missing from their workstations to attend to some meeting/discussion with the boss but in fact, they were doing this. They even used materials from the earlier prank.

And here's the behind the scene footage...

They even took a team photo 😡... And yes... EM decided to rejoin them for this.

Just look at their happy and accomplished faces!!

So after this, HT and I sat down and evaluated the whole situation. We sensed something was not quite right and soon realized that someone's been sneaky and conveniently played both sides of the field! Here we are "prank"ing our ass off and this little someone was fanning both sides of the flame.

And so they say this was me and HT

We both called a truce planned for our ultimate prank on this Little Miss Sneaky, EM. Soon we found the perfect timing to initiate our master plan... during our week long out of office meeting!

During meetings, we had little teasers like putting rocks into her handbag and laptop bag and also cleaned Lala shells into her handbag. And here she is smiling happily with her rocks...

She thought that was all to our revenge plan and we waited for the grand finale while she was busy presenting her work slides on the last day. We decided to wish her a very Happy Chinese New Year...

During tea break, we made an excuse about packing some stuff back into our cars in order for us to capture her reaction to this...

With this prank, it ended our back-to-back office prank war... for now! What are friends in office for if there are no pranks involved? *wink*

My Lame Joke Collection

The following are NOT created by me and I'm not sure who owns the rights to the following. It was shared to me by various people and I'm just sharing it out here. So, enjoy!

IMPORTANT : To see the answers, highlight the area beside the "Answer :" and it will appear.

1. Why does dogs raises only 1 leg when they piss?

Answer : Because they won't be able to balance if they raise 2 legs.

___________________________________________________

2.  Which is more noisier? Bread or coffee?

Answer : Bread. Because Breadtalk and Kopitiam

___________________________________________________

3.  When it's alive, we sing and when it dies, we clap. What is that?

Answer : Birthday Candle

___________________________________________________

4.  What goes in triangle in shape but comes out all rolled up?

Answer : Your underwear!

___________________________________________________

5.  Which is the darkest coin?

Answer : 50 cent

___________________________________________________

6.  Why did Tigger look into the toilet bowl?

Answer : To look for Pooh

___________________________________________________

7. What is the main thing found in a house belonging to a Fern? 

Answer : Ferniture

___________________________________________________

8. What did one hat say to the other hat?

Answer : You stay here. I'll go on a head.

___________________________________________________

9. What has 4 wheels and flies?

Answer : A garbage truck

___________________________________________________

10. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

Answer : A gummy bear

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - all he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".  Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be a Pharaoh Roche...

Just a Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.

IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, f@@k the pills, have you seen Spiderman in the kitchen?!

  

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, “What turns you on most, my pretty face or my sexy body?”

Hubby looks her up and down and replies, “Your sense of humour!”

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.  Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, “Dad, what's love & juice?” Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.  Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.  Dad says, “So what were you watching?”  Billy says, “Wimbledon.”

Only From Afar (Just The Way You Are Parody)

Evening Classes For Men!

WICOE

(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its

EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL

Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place
instead of turning the house upside down while screaming

Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;

DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEENYOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER

Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counsellors available

****************************

The above was shared to me via email and it was too good not to share it here. It's just meant for girls who needs a good laugh and for guys who you think can handle it.

2 Months Glance Into 2011

I am indeed a very lousy blogger... My last post was on the last day of 2010 and this would be my first post for 2011. I've been tring to write something but I keep making excuses for myself and keep saying tomorrow. So finally... I've decided to glue myself to the couch till I update my blog with this post. January and February have come and gone. Much have happened and now, all I can give is a brief glance of the past 2 months of my life...

Myself...

Nothing really extraordinary happened. I guess that explains why there was no regular blog entry. The only change I think is that I've switched my mobile service provider of more than 10 years, Maxis, to join the DiGi family. I'm still using the same mobile number but under a different service provider.

My family...

Everyones pretty excited about my new nephew. By now he's 6 months old already. He's very adorable and cheerful. He smiles a lot too! My youngest sister always comments that he has very luscious lips. Here's what he looks like...

Zachary Micah Victor

So now I have a pair of beautiful niece and a handsome nephew...

Yvette & Zachary

Celebrations & Events...

My New Year was very quiet. I had a countdown dinner at D'Italiane Kitchen, Jaya 33 together with my hubby, brother, Angie and Nigel. The dinner was yummy (once again I failed to capture the food pics) and by midnight, me and my hubby were already home to watch the fireworks display of various locations from the balcony of our home.

After that was Chinese New Year. I always looked forward to this day as this is the day when the whole family is together having really yummy home cooked food and a whole day filled with fun and laughter. When my sister, cousins and niece gets together....they become a bunch of loonies...

Funny photo session with my sister, cousins and niece

This year we all took turns to take our family photo with my grandma.

My recent event would be my youngest sister's convocation. It was a very proud moment for my family. All of us went to witness this very special day.

Working and Holiday Trips...

I've only gone down South for my working trip and I've also managed to spend 2 days in Singapore to accompany my hubby for his company's Annual Dinner. Nothing much done in Singapore... just the usuals...Geylang for my favourite frog porridge, Bugis Junction for my sweet potato tempura, Takashimaya for Takopochi and bought my Campbell's Vegetarian Vegetable canned soup. The only thing extra was my bottle of Ferragamo perfume and my Charles & Keith handbag... it was so cheap!!

My next holiday trip was to Melaka with my family during the Chinese New Year holiday. Though it was a short trip but we had quality fun time together. My hubby and my brother in-law became durian freaks during this trip...durian cendol, durian cream puffs and durian candy.

My Current Hobby...

My hubby and I recently became a proud owner of the XBox Arcade Slim 360 and we've been spending quite an amount of time playing XBox games. Our current interest is... Left 4 Dead.

We both have our own controllers so that we could play the 2-player games together. Any games you want to recommend to me?

Music...
I'm currently obsessed with Bruno Mars and Katy Perry.

Movies...

I've only watched 1 movie in the theater so far and it's "I Am Number Four". To me it's a great movie and I highly recommend you to watch it too.

Well, I guess this summarizes my first 2 months of the year 2011. I am actually looking forward for this year because I've got a feeling that this is going to be a GREAT year for me. I will try my best to keep my blog frequently updated and hopefully with good materials and not boring ones.

Males Are More Colourful???

Today during a drive out for lunch with a few colleagues, the topic of discussion was male and female animals. It started when my guy colleague showed us his family photo taken with a python. Then he went on talking about a white tiger being available for photo session as well.

Then the conversation went like this:
 Pat : Was the tiger a male or a female?

Daniel : I'm not sure coz I didn't check underneath the skirt.

Me : *Laugh* I think lions are easier to differentiate. Did you know that in the bird kingdom, you can tell the males from the females by looking at their colours?

Pat & Daniel : How is that?

Me : The males are more colourful and in a way better looking than the females. Just take these few birds for an example...

Peacock

Mandarin Ducks

Ostrich

Turkey

Pat : That's so unfair!! Why does the males have to be the more attractive one when the females are so dull and ugly looking??

Me : Coz the males need to fight with other males to get the females attention.

Daniel : Then how about crows??? How can you tell the male from the female?

Me:

Me : Emmmm.... Maybe the male crows are blacker???

OTHERS:
 




Then, later I found the right answer.

But if you were caught with this question, what would your answer be? I know you can easily find the answer in the wonderful world wide web...but I just want to know the first answer that comes to your mind.

The Different Types Of SHIT

I didn't compose this... I'm just sharing coz it's funny....

***WARNING - This post is not intended for the faint hearted and easily disgusted.

****************************************************************

Ghost Shit ~~ You know you've Shited. There's Shit on the toilet paper, but no Shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of Shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This Shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit ~~ This kind is the kind of Shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit ~~ You Shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit ~~ You better be within 10 seconds reach to a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit ~~ This Shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of Shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit ~~ This Shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

Wish Shit ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no Shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you Shit.

Snake Shit ~~ This Shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit aka Floater Shit ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This Shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers) ~~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your Shit doesn't smell too bad, but this Shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of Shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of Shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Bungee Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit ~~ The kind of Shit where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler ~~ The kind of Shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of Shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of Shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car during a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit ~~ The king of Shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

Jack the Ripper Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

The Party Shiter ~~ The giant Shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a Shit.

Oh Shit! Shit ~~ You Shit so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

The Never Ending Shit ~~ It's the Shit that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more Shit runs out. This always happens after eating at KFC.

G-Force - Asia - Follow-Up (1)

Refering to my previous post, G-Force-Asia, my young and naive cousin thought it was actually a real news about a sequel to the movie, G-Force. I would like to apologize if I mislead anyone who read my previous post.

* The above FB thread is posted here with permission from my cousin, Yean Yi.

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Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

You've got MALE!

Funny Gotcha Call

This is a funny Gotcha call that I found on the Hitz.fm website.
Click Here

I don't even understand why he wants to change the spoken language in between... *LOL*. On top of that, he was so blur at the end.