The Different Types Of SHIT

I didn't compose this... I'm just sharing coz it's funny....

***WARNING - This post is not intended for the faint hearted and easily disgusted.

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Ghost Shit ~~ You know you've Shited. There's Shit on the toilet paper, but no Shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of Shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This Shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit ~~ This kind is the kind of Shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit ~~ You Shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit ~~ You better be within 10 seconds reach to a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit ~~ This Shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of Shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit ~~ This Shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

Wish Shit ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no Shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you Shit.

Snake Shit ~~ This Shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit aka Floater Shit ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This Shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers) ~~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your Shit doesn't smell too bad, but this Shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of Shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of Shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Bungee Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit ~~ The kind of Shit where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler ~~ The kind of Shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of Shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of Shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car during a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit ~~ The king of Shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

Jack the Ripper Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

The Party Shiter ~~ The giant Shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit ~~ The kind of Shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a Shit.

Oh Shit! Shit ~~ You Shit so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

The Never Ending Shit ~~ It's the Shit that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more Shit runs out. This always happens after eating at KFC.